" Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be – a Christian. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. "

Mark Twain, What Is Man? (1906) US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" A patriot is mocked, scorned and hated; yet when his cause succeeds, all men will join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It is easier to stay out than get out. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you. "

Mark Twain, Following the Equator (1897) US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Sacred cows make the best hamburgers. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

Mark Twain, inscription beneath his bust in the Hall of Fame US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" [He was] a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" The best coffee in Europe is Vienna coffee, compared to which all other coffee is fluid poverty. "

Mark Twain, Greatly Exaggerated US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it – namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. "

Mark Twain, “The Adventures of Tom Sawyer”, Chapter 2 US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" It is noble to teach oneself, it is still nobler to teach others. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" There is nothing training cannot do. Nothing is above its reach. It can turn bad morals to good; it can destroy bad principles and recreate good ones; it can lift men to angelship. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

" The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. "

Mark Twain US humorist, novelist, short story author, & wit (1835 – 1910)

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