" More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" The wicked at heart probably know something. "

Woody Allen, “Without Feathers” US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Bisexuality automatically doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" My Lord, my Lord! What hast Thou done, lately? "

Woody Allen, “Without Feathers” US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead- not sick, not wounded – dead. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" We were married by a reformed rabbi in Long Island. A very reformed rabbi. A Nazi. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better… while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. "

Woody Allen, Without Feathers US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" For the first year of marriage I had basically a bad attitude. I tended to place my wife underneath a pedestal "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought– particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. "

Woody Allen, Annie Hall US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib. "

Woody Allen, Without Feathers US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Eternity is a long time, especially towards the end. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought — particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. "

Woody Allen US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love — the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters. "

Woody Allen, Without Feathers US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

" A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A DOE

Unbearably lovely music is heard as the curtain rises, and we see the woods on a summer afternoon. A fawn dances on and nibbles slowly at some leaves. He drifts lazily through the soft foliage. Soon he starts coughing and drops dead. "

Woody Allen, Without Feathers US movie actor, comedian, & director (1935 – )

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